Sunday, September 13, 2009

Thoughts during the VMAs because WHY NOT?

Michael Jackson tribute: Loved it.

On Kanye yoinking the mike from Taylor Swift during her speech:


This was the VMAs, not the KMAs. Someone please tap homeboy on the shoulder next time and tell him to save it... Who is really the bigger ass here though- Kanye for being delusional enough to think that his opinion was really THAT necessary or the MTV staff who allowed him to get on stage? Because by now everyone knows that whenever Kanye opens his mouth it's really just to verbally masturbate.

I'm going to stop focusing on him cause he's pathetic enough to think that we all wanted to hear his opinion THAT BADLY though, and say I'm sorry Taylor had to go through that. She's only a teenager and I wish she had gotten to enjoy her moment like everyone else. Her face really made me sad- she was obviously upset.

Ugh can you tell this really bothers me?? I know it's just a stupid awards show and in the scheme of important things in life VMAs= nothing, but it was just so MEAN and UNFAIR to embarrass and hurt someone who didn't do anything to him.

Lady Gaga performance: Lady, can I call you Lady? Poker Face and Just Dance have the precious power of making me want to shake it every time they come on regardless of blood alcohol content. I like you and I respect that you are different. You want to be avant garde and a performace artist. I understand. I support you in these endeavors.

However, please tell me you didn't seriously think wearing your Hanes under-garments and glue-ing some rhinestones from A.C. Moore on them was going to impress me. You look a hot mess and I'm going to need you to please go to a store and buy some big girl clothes. OR hows about we practice your sewing skills until you have something to bring to the table. Feathers and white panties do not an outfit make my friend.

I have nothing to say about her convulsions that culminated in dripping fake blood and dangling from the rafters like a chicken in Chinatown.

Taco Bell commercial: What does it say about me that I thought that guy rapping about ten cent pieces was sexy? That it's been too long since I've had a date maybe?

New Moon Trailer: Get in my life. I resisted Twilight for a WHILE people. I really truly did- I didn't even read the books until this summer. But I apparently have the same level of self- control as the rest of the female world because I'm genuinely excited about this movie. In my defense, I don't have posters or anything up... yet.

Beyonce's performance: For some reason leotards really bother me so I could have done without the silvery horrors they had going on but I shrugged my shoulders and said, "Eh, to each their own and at least it makes Beyonce's boobs look really good." And then I blinked and there was an entire wall of leotard-ed (haha say that out loud) women waving their un-bejeweled hands and I was angry.

Why are you giving women the false impression that they can dance around in their old ballet costumes and waggle fingers in their man's face and he'll throw a rock on there Mrs. Jay-Z? It's really just irresponsible of her to misinform the masses like that- you should all know leotards bring nothing good in life. From now on I hope you think of yeast infections instead of booty shakin anthems when you see them and join my mission to abolish the terrible creations. (One of my main problems with them is you have to take EVERYTHING OFF to pee.)

Plus, how exactly was he supposed to put a ring on your creepy bionic hand Senorita? And, OUCH does her neck have vertebrae in there or just jello because I got shaken baby syndrome just watching her slam that thing back and forth.

All-American Rejects: I was already madly in love with the lead singer. He was superbly goofy and adorable in the House Bunny and he seems to be so funny and dorky with just the right amount of sexy bad boy. I was comfortable with my crush level. Until tonight. Why did he have to show up with SILVER GLITTER all over his body? Did he know that's my favorite kind of glitter? Did he know it would make me want to wake up tomorrow morning with that very same silver glitter rubbed all over my bedsheets?

Where the Wild Things Are commercial: This trailer just fills me with joy everytime I see it. I am going to see this movie when it comes out, even if I have to go sit in the damn theatre by myself. I don't care- I'll happily crunch away on popcorn all by my lonesome for Maurice Sendak.

Lady Gaga's win: Even she couldn't leave that business on her face. Did you see her claw it off? However, the best part of her award speech was Eminem's face. Though I did appreciate her parting, "This is for God and the gays.", it was definitely Eminem's facial expressions that made that.

Pink: This woman is my hero. Hot pink heart pasties and trapeze acrobatics while singing... glorious.

Beyonce giving up her moment: That was so beautiful. She gave her moment to Taylor extremely tastefully and it was really kind of her. Though it makes me wonder if the whole thing was rigged, that was a great way to end the show.

Alicia Keys: She looked breathtakingly gorgeous during the Jay-Z performace! I'm a fan of the song too.

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