Kooladria is my homegirl.

The pollen count is so high here that shortly after moving, the city gave me allergies. It's like a geographical STD or something. I feel like I should wear a t-shirt that says "I moved to Atlanta and all I got was a horrible painful reaction to nature that I had never had before."
Now because of this affliction, the minute it became spring my eyes transformed into cesspools of acid and my nose spontaneously began to drip without warning. It's really very sexy- no wonder I am fighting off dates left and right. My mucus brings all the boys to the yard- damn right it's better than yours. I'd teach you but Claritin would charge... So whenever I cry (or breathe really...) it burns. I wish I could explain how awkward it is to have your eyeballs burn themselves but I can't. Suffice it to say that I already did not enjoy crying and now avoid it at all costs. However, I have watched this video like 8 times now in a row even though it's causing me to laugh so hard my eyes feel like fireballs. Watch it guuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrlllllll.