Sunday, March 29, 2009


Package odyssey update:
No lie, AN HOUR after I posted the last blog entry I'll bet you can guess what I spied with my little eye (...d?) out the window. Yes- the sacred UPS truck had come to my building. After a tense moment where he teased me by tapping the brakes several times he paused for an extra second. I took this opportunity to Bruce Willis in Die- Hard catapult myself down the stairs and casually asked if he was there to deliver a package to me. And by casual I mean almost tackled the man to the ground. There was a quick staredown where he debated if he could milk away more of my soul by dangling my t-shirts in front of my face, but eventually he found his heart and gave it to me. I think this was ultimately due to the fact that I was breathing heavily from my flight down from the 3rd floor and the, "I will cut you if you don't hand me a package, any package." look in my eyes.

The only explanation I can think of for this anomaly of actually receiving my package is that UPS has been tracking my computer movements through their super secret website anti- trackers and read my post as soon as it was published. They clearly don't want me exposing their game because then they'd have to play 'package kickball' or something. Also, I think to rub in my face that they hate me- before the delivery man left I gave him the door code again. Because he had been "trying to deliver the package to me for two days now!"... Really? We'll I've actually been trying to accept that delivery, would you look at that? It's almost like SOMETHING THAT SHOULD WORK.
So you know what he pulled out to write the number on? A stack of door tags. If I may be so bold sir, just a hint for next time. Maybe instead of using those as post-its you could flip them over and put one on my door? Oh wait... then I would get my package.

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