Dear April,

Awwww, remember when I had a blog? Me neither it's been so long. In my defense I have no computer or cell phone. Either way I'd like to address this post to the month of April, or more specifically today.

Dear April 9th, 2010:

I have come to the realization that you hate me. I'm not entirely sure why, I didn't sleep with your boyfriend and I don't drive so I'm pretty sure I've never ran over your cat or anything. I'm a good person! I may be dodging the library and those really high fines but I'll pay them back! Eventually. Basically what I'm trying to say is, this is really uncalled for. You have so far in a 24 hour span managed to recruit my computer & cell phone, leasing company, my bank, my oven, AT&T and in a most dastardly move, my ability to eat without spilling my food all over myself- against me. And NOW my neighbors are having a out-asshole competition next door and competing for the gold in "Out Dude-ing your Bro", "Leaving the Most Beer Bottles in the Hallway" and the cutthroat "Who Can Play the Worst Techno Music" events. Apparently the entry tickets are as coveted as the Masters so I can understand how I wasn't invited to this prestigious celebration.

What I'm really writing to say is that I've decided that you're not the only one that can play dirty April 9th. I've invited some friends over and even though I don't have cable, ice, or a way to play music but I DO have a large window that overlooks the bars and clubs for prime drunkie-watching. And cheap vodka. So I'm taking today back April 9th. I'm sure I'll see you and my hangover tomorrow. But for now... suck it.